APRIL FOOLS DAY: Teacher Reminds The Students They Still Represent The Class Even When Going To The Restroom

Teachers, have you ever had problems with students who go to the restroom every time they are in your class? Have you noticed that some students don’t return to class until it is over, or may not even show up again until the next day? Excessive time and talk in the restrooms has become a big issue this year. Girls and boys who yell, scream, and chat in the restrooms disrupt testing in the vision room, making it difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. This April Fools Satire article exaggerates the problems I face when girls and boys hang out in the bathrooms.

In an effort to ensure they maintained good citizenship and decorum when they went to the restroom, the teacher sternly reminded the students when class began Monday morning that they still represented the classroom even when they were outside of it. “I want you to go out there and do your business because it is a basic right of every human being to answer to nature’s calling, but keep in mind that you are still on school grounds and are ambassadors for my classroom, so make sure that the bathrooms are as clean when you come out as they are right now. No one wants the walls painted the color of the shirts of your favorite football teams, or hear reports of glass plates being thrown into the toilets and clogging them up. Remember, those people deserve a little respect who work their little fingers to the bone scrubbing the floors and cleaning out those bathrooms, so it’s about time you start showing it. You ought to be grateful you don’t have to use charter bus bathrooms like the blind and deaf kids from Pensacola who have to sit on one of those buses all day to get to the campus,” said the teacher, urging her class to behave as if she was watching them while they were in there, and when they encountered any staff member in the hallway.

“Remember, when you’re finished with nature’s duty and you decide it would be funny to have six girls in one stall drinking soda and feeding pop rocks to a pet goldfish your friend brought from home, or boys, you decide to start selling desktop computers and smartphones and mixing the water in the sinks and the water in the toilets with paint and ketchup from the cafeteria and spraying it all over the stalls, it not only reflects poorly on you, it reflects on this class and on my incompetence as a teacher trying to keep my class in check and make sure you are adhering to the same standards as other classes. I also don’t want to hear that you jumped on top of Mr. Mark’s cart and sprayed hot sauce in his eyes and hung around him like a swarm of monkeys throwing bananas and pickles at him while you call him names, or hear that you girls dumped a bucket of frosting in the doorway so that Mrs. Uecker’s feet got stuck in it and fenced the stalls so that she couldn’t get in when she politely but firmly told you to stop kicking the Skittles around, playing with noisemakers, folding laundry, putting on makeup, and having your short-lived girls day out and go back to class. So don’t do anything to embarrass me.” The teacher added that while she didn’t want to scare them, she didn’t want her students to become a pack of wolves hunting for negative hero points, lunch detentions, after-school detentions, and a potential slap at home.