Why your farts are secretly being controlled by the Government

Farts have been a common joke and natural activity of the human species. So much so it may as well be a greeting. We had the joke car called the Fart Car where your farts power the car, the Fart Gun in Despicable Me 2, and the Common Toilet. Often, farting is seen as gross, and jokes and humor that surround it are seen as immature. However, why do we fart? The reason for this is the government. The Government is in control of all things, and we are living in the Matrix. Where’s Keanu Reeves when you need him? 

But there is no need for Neo to come to save us all because farts do help us according to a Healthline article which claims that researchers say that farts may be healthy. I, for one, believe that farts are the best thing for a human to do because of health benefits alone. On a similar health note, according to an article by Mental Floss, farts only stink because of gas Sulfur. Why does this come around to why your farts are being controlled by the government? The reason is that the Government is trying to preserve humanity by making humans fart. Referencing the researcher’s goals in the Healthline article, it should be clear that the government is actively using farts to cure diseases. If this is the case, how does Sulfur come into play? Well, to kill off the bacteria from the vile smell that it produces. The people in Pompeii didn’t die from the Volcano spewing lava-like spit from a camel, although you could say it was on the toilet, it was the Volcano farting Sulfuric gases to kill everyone there. The government hid that fact from the public to hide the actual reason because of how farts have become a silly and immature discussion. Can we all just agree that Pompeii is just a fart island?  

In short: Everyone farts because the government makes them, they help end diseases from the smell, and Pompeii happened because we’re living in the Matrix. 

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